Mike Walker

Sean Penn Struts El Chapo Chops: Offers ‘Help’ To Madonna!

The actor thinks he can bring her son back to the U.S.

Sean Penn helps Madonna with son Rocco
Getty Images

Sean Penn’s braying like a donkey to Madonna: “IF I CAN DEAL WITH EL CHAPO, I CAN GET SON ROCCO BACK TO YOU!”

Translation: Hee-HAW, hee-HAWWW!

Cawed My Madge Magpie: “Loving the attention he got when Madonna gushed publicly at an LA showbiz bash that ‘I still love you,’ Drama King Sean’s vowing to sweet-talk rebellious Rocco into leaving dad Guy Ritchie in the UK and coming home to her — but although the kid truly admires newly minted “crime reporter” Sean, ALL bets are off because Rocco, a tender 15, is suddenly hot-and-heavy with a sexy Brit actress who’s a sizzling … 19 YEARS OLD!”

Captured Drug Boss Orders Execution Of Madonna And Sean Penn

You hearing me, Gossip Fans? As a former 15-year-old boy, I STILL get weak/woozy at the thought of a 19-year-old babe burning to … er, TEACH ME STUFF!

Said my source: “Sean charmed El Chapo — but smart money says his bid to rip Rocco from this red-hot momma for a Mommy reunion will end up El FLOPPO!”

… And how was YOUR week?

Guy And Rocco Go To War Against Madonna