Mike Walker

Angelina To Brad: Let’s Mix Bodily Fluids

Secret ancient ritual to save their showbiz marriage!

brad pitt angelina jolie divorce
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Mike Walker Reports… Gasp, Gossip Ghoulies — my voodoo sex spell scoop’s gonna make you tingle just like when I world-whooped about Witchy Woman Angelina Jolie pu**y-whuppin’ Billy Bob Thornton by dangling gold vials of his-‘n-her blood ‘round their necks!

But this beats even that, cuz now I got hubba-hubba Angie stark-naked in jungle moonlight with … (sounds of ladies’ hearts goin’ pitter-patter-pitter-patter) … naked Brad Pitt!

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The Jolie-Pitts, embroiled in bitter battles, are thisclose to calling it quits — especially since critics savaged their flick, “By the Sea,” which sank Titanic-ally!

But now … our bewitchin’ lil’ bitch has brewed an 11th-hour sex-magic surprise!

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Whispered My Brangelina Babbler: “Angie’s dead-set on saving her marriage — so she’s wooed Brad into renewing their love magic during a deadly serious, solemn, moonlit vow renewal!

“They’ll trek into the jungle at midnight, strip naked and stand under moonglow for hours as they gradually strengthen their love spell in a secret, ancient ritual that culminates in intimately mixing bodily fluids …(drops of blood, sweat, tears, plus two secret secre- tions) … then directly deposit all into Mother Earth to trigger their orgasmic/organic re- birth!”

KA-ZOWW! … Make that your next movie, kids!