THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING, THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING!
Never say “nyet” to world-changing potential revealed by this shocking scoop: Super-secret, sexy romance is suddenly sizzling between Pamela Anderson and ruthless Russian strongman Vladimir Putin — or, as the “Baywatch” beauty heavy-breathes it to pals, “My Pooty-Poot!”
And Pam’s plan, insiders insist, is to conquer the hard-man’s heart and become First Lady of Russia!
Said My Soviet Spy: “This incredible romance flared up after Pam reached out to Putin months ago to campaign for world causes backed by The Pamela Anderson Foundation, including saving the whales. But suddenly, they’re in a steamy, down-low phone romance — and plotting a secret in-the-flesh rendezvous!
“Gushing at a dinner with pals, Pam confided she was ‘exhausted because I was talking with Putin for a long time this morning! … It’s tough for us because of the time difference!’ Pam was beaming — she never stops talking about him. She’s enchanted, and knows being with him would have mind-blowing benefits for her crusade to save the planet.
“As for the great dictator, he’s been a mesmerized fan of the former Playboy Playmate for years and thinks she’s the sexiest woman alive! So DON’T be surprised if she conquers Putin’s heart — and becomes First Lady of Russia!”