Mike Walker

Lindsay Lohan: Starlet Lusting After Vladimir Putin!

Fading celeb has a new strategy for global domination!

lindsay lohan dating scandals
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Mike Walker Reports… Hey, Russian comrades — here’s why Lindsay Lohan is nicknamed “Fire-crotch!”

LiLo’s suddenly aimed her fiery eyes at “Kremlin Krotch,” telling pals she’s gonna bed and wed notorious Soviet strongman Vladimir Putin — and then be officially crowned “Princess Pootie-Tang of Russia!”

Revealed My Rushin’-To-Tell-Me Spy: “Lindsay got her looney idea of pegging Putin after negotiating a TV interview with a Russian network.

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“Carefully plotting her secret plan to bed the Prime Stud, she demanded a year-long visa and a personal, private meeting to launch a lingering seduction!

“But Putin pooh- poohed LiLo’s lame scheme! The Russian ruler’s got spies everywhere … and chuckled ‘Nyet!’ to hooking up with the notorious celeb!

“Adding that Lindsay’s ‘not his type,’ Putin insisted — jokingly … or maybe not — that he wouldn’t mind dropping a ruble or two on a fling with ‘J.Lo!’”