Royal females CONCOCT secret plot to keep PRINCE HARRY’s pants ON!!

DOUBLE, DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE…FIRE BURN, AND CAULDRON BUBBLE!” Huddled like Shakespeare’s witches, tossing eye of newt and toe of frog into the recent roiling stew of topless/bottomless naked Royal horror tales, THE QUEEN, Wicked StepMummy CAMILLA and Princess of Our Hearts KATE MIDDLETON cooked up a diabolical scheme to deal with Crisis No. 1 – randy PRINCE HARRY – and here’s the scandal-squelching plan proposed by Queen Bee herself: WE WILL FIND HARRY A WIFE!

Said My Right Royal Spy: “It’s a modern take on the old Cinderella fairy tale – find a ‘proper girl’ who’ll be a good influence and get Harry to settle down, keeping him out of trouble.

"The Royal ladies are moving quickly, compiling lists of potential future princesses and vetting the best candidates, who’ll be trotted out to meet and greet the conquering hero Prince when he returns from combat helicopter duty in Afghanistan!”

Next stop, hopefully – Westminster Abbey!

(Folks, naked truth: Sounds like the greatest TV reality show EVER! Stay tuned.)