ROSEANNE AT 50: I'VE GIVEN UP MEN -- FOR HOT SAUCE!
As saucy as ever, the comedy queen, who turned 50 November 3, revealed to The ENQUIRER she's busy marketing her own savory sauce -- appropriately named "Hot Flash." And it's the only spice in her life!
"There is no man in my life now. I don't need one. Been there, done that," the funnylady divulged in an exclusive interview.
Roseanne, who's full of surprises, has another one for fans: She's gone into business with the first of her ex-husbands, Bill Pentland.
Roseanne's 1990 split from Pentland was as fiery as her sauce, but the two have buried the bad feelings and are working as a team.
Also onboard is Bill's wife Becky -- who has become Roseanne's personal assistant.
Roseanne's daughter Jennifer, 26, designed the sauce's label.
Another daughter, Jessica, 27, sells the product at farmers' markets. Son Jake, 24, and son-in-law Jeff create displays.
"Like the Sly Stone song -- it's a 'Family Affair,'" quipped Roseanne.
"When I was married to Bill back in the '70s there was a little restaurant in Georgetown, Colo., we used to go to all the time.
"They had their own special sauce which had been handed down through the family for over a century. The recipe had been given to them by a pair of immigrant shepherds in return for free meals for life at their restaurant.
"Bill and I'd go in there and slap that inscrutable sauce on eggs, steaks, lamb . . . everything. We liked the place so much that in 1994 Bill bought it.
"It had been named Pretzel. He and his wife renamed it Full Circle. In 1999 they sold the restaurant -- but retained all rights to the recipe.
"In the last year, Bill and I and Becky decided to form a partnership to market the hot sauce after I did a bit of final tweaking with the recipe, which contains tomatoes, peppers, garlic, spices and other stuff I'm not gonna tell ya.
"My daughter-in-law thought it would be funny because of my time of life to call it Hot Flash. And that's what it's like -- a hot flash!"
In business and in her personal affairs, Roseanne reveals she's found perfect harmony.
"Becky's been my assistant for a year. She's been stepmom to our kids for 10 years. Bill's a good friend. We all get along so well.
Obviously, I get along better with Bill now than when we were married!"
As for the last great love of her life, Ben -- her bodyguard-turned-husband -- Roseanne confides: "We're friendly . . . every now and then."
The entertainer is thrilled with the legacy of that union -- her 7-year-old son Buck.
"He's a great kid," she beams. "He lives with me and he sees his dad every other weekend."
After a long hiatus, Roseanne reveals she's shifted back into high gear with her business and other pursuits.
"I did nothing for four years," she told The ENQUIRER. "And yes, I do need to work. I do need the money. I've got five kids! But I need to work for my sanity, too, or I'd go berserk.
"I'm in talks to do a TV show," she revealed.
"I've gone back to doing stand-up. I talk about my life and how together I am now. I talk about being 50 and being at peace with myself.
"I've learned to let things go. I've wound the odometer back to zero. I've got another half-century to do it all again. Right.
"I have become very spiritual. I talk to God. I used to argue with God. I thought I was beating Him. But now I don't think that.
"I'd say to Him: 'Why am I so fat?' And He'd say: 'Because you eat a dozen donuts a day.'
"I got a rude wake-up call when I realized that God was right and I was wrong."
Roseanne, who swears by the Jewish mystical teachings of the Kabbalah, disclosed she had a revelation that changed her life.
"I went to my rabbi and I said I need help. I need to change. He said simply: 'Be nice.'
"And that's what turned my life around. I decided to be a nice person. It was hard. I suffered tortures!
"But now I'm surrounded by niceness. That's what happens when you become nice. When you're a comic, you're funny by having a hard edge.
"But I have found the nicer you are, the more nice things happen to you. I feel happy every day. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by one big, loving, happy family."
As a nice gesture, Roseanne gave some Hot Flash sauce on a chip to an ENQUIRER reporter.
"It's hot!" he agreed.
Roseanne's selling her sauce on the Internet at www.roseanneworld.com. She says a percentage of the profits goes to children's charities.
For fans who want to chat with Roseanne, she does a live Internet chat show every Wednesday 5-7 p.m. (Pacific time).
"It costs nothing to join me," says Roseanne. "I just do it for fun. People call 1-800- 488-0672 and we talk about anything and everything, I've had calls from Scotland, Australia, Alaska and Israel. I'm surprised by how many college kids log on.
"We've talked about the fake nude of me on the Internet. I'd like to know who that woman is. She sure looks like me! No, I won't be suing her. It's such a lark.
"I give psychic readings. I feel I've got psychic common sense. I said the Beltway Sniper would be caught the next day -- and he was."