You can lead celebrities to a microphone — but you can’t make them think.

And these dumb quotes from stars prove it:

“V.I.P.” star Pam Anderson proudly proclaimed: “I don’t think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!”

Pam also gushed: “I’m much more than a pair of breasts. I represent success, hard work and fun!”

Expressing her view of heaven, Britney Spears told an interviewer: “Everyone is at peace and happy and they all hop around from cloud to cloud.”

Oops, she did it again: “And an old man with a long, white beard wanders around — that’s God.”

Singer Tony Bennett once misspoke: “Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it’s Omaha or Hawaii.”

TV chef Julia Child commented: “Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil . . .”

Brooke Shields, testifying before a congressional subcommittee on smoking-related death, said observantly: “Smoking kills. If you’re killed you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

In the same vein, singer Cyndi Lauper said: “If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.”

Raquel Welch told Larry King: “I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our 52 states.”

Welch is not the only geographically challenged star. When told he had five gold albums as a singer in Austria, David Hasselhoff wondered: “Where’s Austria?”

David Arquette blurted out in an interview: “I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky . . . a pulsating force of incredible energy.”

Joan Collins has her own version of history. “It’s like the Roman Empire,” the “Dynasty” star once said. “Wasn’t everybody running around just covered with syphilis? And then it was destroyed by the volcano.”

Cher declared: “I’ve been up and down so many times that I feel as if I’m in a revolving door.”

Martha Stewart once said: “I catnap now and then . . . but I think while I nap, so it’s not a waste of time.”

Michael Jackson had this flight of fancy: “We CAN fly, you know. We just don’t know how to think the right thoughts and levitate ourselves off the ground.”

And Winona Ryder uttered the classic line: “I feel my best when I’m happy.”