Secret Service agents had to arrest Jesus last night to stop a planned kidnapping attempt at the White House!
Fortunately, agents were able to apprehend North Dakota resident resident Scott Stockert in D.C. before he could successfully kidnap one of the Obama family dogs.
The would-be assailant later explained to the agents that he was both the Son of God and the love child of John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe — but the agents weren’t laughing over his stash of unregistered firearms and huge collection of ammo!
“You picked the wrong person to mess with,” Stockert reportedly told the arresting Secret Service squad.
“I will f–k your world up!”
Secret Service staff took that threat seriously, too, since Stockert’s truck held a 12-gauge pump shotgun and a bolt-action rifle.
The guns weren’t loaded, but Stockert’s truck also held 71 rounds of 12-gauge ammo, plus 289 rounds of long-rifle bullets.
In addition, court documents say that Stockert had a machete and billy club in the truck.
Stockert was arrested at a Hampton Inn near the Washington Convention Center, where the Secret Service had been alerted to his presence by staffers in Minnesota — where they had discovered the man’s alleged plan to kidnap one of the Presidential pooches.
In addition to explaining his multiple parentage, Stockert informed the Secret Service that he planned to stop by the Capitol to announce his Presidential campaign and details of his healthcare program.
Authorities could not confirm whether Stockert intended to kidnap Bo or Sunny — who are both Portugese water dogs residing in the White House.