DESPERATE NOISE

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Here’s a bizarre tale of muffled moans and desperate groans emitted – from behind closed doors, no less! – by TERI HATCHER, EVA LONGORIA, NICOLLETTE SHERIDAN, MARCIA CROSS and FELICITY HUFFMAN. It’s a brouhaha that began when sexy sounds from the “Desperate Housewives” read-through room suddenly swelled to an orgasmic crescendo heard all over the set! Eavesdropping crewmembers clustered outside the door, asking: “What the hell is going on?” Turns out the…er, experienced “wives” were coaching a nervous actress hired to play an old-maid schoolteacher who’s timid and shy – but keeps Wisteria Lane’s witches in late-night stitches when she takes a lover…and makes OMIGAWD noises to wake the dead! After conducting VaVaVoom-Vocalizing 101, Teri, Eva, Nicollette, Felicity and Marcia – tipped about their eavesdroppers – kept the gag going and walked out adjusting their clothing and primping their hair!