CHARLIE SHEEN FIRED!

72015

Warner Brothers television has fired CHARLIE SHEEN from Two and a Half Men.

The studio issued the following statement: "After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ effective immediately."

Sheen responded thusly: "This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales.

"It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at (expletive deleted)  again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension."

The Hollywood Reporter cited a clause in Sheen’s contract claiming that  Warner Bros can fire a performer who commits "a felony offense involving moral turpitude”: "There is ample evidence supporting Warner Bros. reasonable good faith opinion that Mr. Sheen has committed felony offenses involving moral turpitude (including but not limited to furnishing of cocaine to others as part of the self-destructive lifestyle he has described publicly) that have ‘interfere[d] with his ability to fully and completely render all material services required’ under the agreement."

The Warners statement did not elaborate if the series will  resume production sans Sheen.

Meanwhile, Sheen’s legal team says “We will sue,”  Marty "The Litigator" Singer of Lavely & Singer confirmed.

“It’s a matter of when. It could be this week, it could be in a little while. We’re in no rush.

"But we will sue.”

Natch.

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