View the original article at: http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/review-guardians-of-the-galaxy-spoiler-free
NO SPOILERS! Forget that lame trailer! GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY is most batsh*t crazy fun you’ll have all summer!
With trepidations in hand your intrepid ENQUIRER movie reported ventured forth to the latest offering from Marvel Studios one that had nothing to do with super-heroes like Thor or Captain America.
Not impressed by the promos that featured a ray gun toting talking raccoon and Chris Pratt’s “Star Lord” shtick, I was expecting two hours of tedium that would make being tortured by the Reds during the Korean War seem a day at Tommorrowland.
Boy, was I wrong – and happily so.
“Guardians” has put the fun back in funny book flicks! No dark brooding here -- except from the baddies.
Not only is it funny as hell but is a high -octane star spanning sci-fi epic as 4 misfits band together to save the known Universe.
It’s like the Mad Magazine version of "The Dirty Dozen".
Chris Pratt, formerly of NBC’s “Community”, ostensibly toplines as Peter Quill aka “Star Lord”, a teen abducted from Earth by hungry ETS who decided not to eat him.
Flash-forward 26 years later and Quill is on the hunt for some mystic orb, the film’s MacGuffin “Ark of Covenant, Maltese Falcon” doo-dad that propels the plot.
The plot doesn’t really matter.
Joining Pratt (after the traditional Marvel style “Let’s fight and then band together” shtick) are green skinned alien huntress Zoe Saladana as Gamora, a barely talking treeman Groot (Vin Diesel) , massive convict Drax (MMA’s Dave Bautista) and in what may arguably be Bradley Cooper’s greatest role – furry fury Rocket Racoon .
Bent on world-shattering vengeance, Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace) is after the Orb with its secret power, The Collector (Benicio Del Toro) just wants to add it to his vast and hilarious collection of galactic ephemera, and our “heroes” just want to score a big pay day. That is, if they don’t kill each other first.
Throw scene-stealing Michael Rooker as Yondu with his whistling trick arrows of death and cosmic galactic overlord Thanos (an uncredited James Brolin) into the mix and it’s also maddie versus baddie.
The plot points only serve to do one thing – get the crazy fun going and then push the envelope in terms of special effects action. And boy, do they!
After a few minutes you forget that Groot the Tree Dude and Rocket – all gleaming fur and bad attitude – are nothing more than computer pixels because they emerge as real characters -- fully integrated into the action.
There’s fist fights, knife fights, ray gun battles, an escape from a deep space jail, gambling den madness and the ultimate battle against Ronan’s massive battle cruiser in a maneuver not seen since the halcyon days of Flash Gordon serials but all perfectly realized in jaw dropping 3D Goodness.
And, all of this lunacy is propelled by Star Lord’s most cherished possession – “Awesome Mix Tape 1” - a cassette that bombards the movie soundtrack with the like of 10cc's “I’m Not In Love”. The Runaways’ "Cherry Bomb” and Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrel’s “Ain’t No Mountain High”.
And when you hear those classics reverbing out of a theatre’s sound system – underscoring the action – you remember just how good these artists were and how much of today’s music is nothing more than pre-packaged synthesized sh*t.
There are of course stunning revelations dropped in the course of the galactic free-for-all but writer/director James Gunn not only delivers screen thrills and laughs galores, “Guardians” also has a heart—a big one – at its emotional core.
So, while we haven’t given any of the movie’s plot per se – our advice is to run, don’t walk to “Guardians of The Galaxy" – it’s the year’s first legit blockbuster movie event. And more fun than the last 3 super-hero flicks put together.
Note to J.J. Abrams -- who’s doing the new “Star Wars” sequel – you’re going to have to up your "A game" to top these star warriors - BIG TIME.
“Guardians of the Galaxy” is one of those rare films these days you actually leave the theatre “Hooked on a Feeling”.