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Worried DICK CLARK took New Year’s Eve with him? What if RYAN SEACREST can’t tickle your New Year’s Eve Ball?
You can still have “A Night to Remember” by staying close to home -- just NOT at home. First Night  organizes nationwide fulsome fun in artistic cabals that will enhance and entertain!
But wait, there’s more – so much more so this eve is not a bore…
OLD LUNG SIGH, YOU SAY?
That song whose lyrics you dismember should be the one to remember -- “Auld Lang Syne”.Scottish poet ROBERT BURNS wrote the ditty set to an old folksong, but GUY LOMBARDO and Royal Canadian Orchestra popularized it with his broadcasts for fifty years. Then in 1978, Dick Clark started rockin’ in the New Year….
KIDS A PAIN, POP THE BUBBLY ASAP?
A New Year’s Eve Countdown that climaxes with fireworks, champagne AND an early bedtime? Want to get ‘em off a day less burly, jump the International Date Line and do it a day early!
EN FRANCAIS, MARION COTILLARD MAY DO…
Spin some EDITH PIAF or get hoppin’ with FRANCOISE HARDY! Liberate those sparkling paper crowns and host une soirée dansante! For the Les Miz set -- oysters, caviar, et champagne! Serve Les Infantes Terribles, sparkling cider and sweet pastries tout suite.And best of all, it’s all over by 7pm Eastern --Tres Magnifique!
MEANWHILE, IN JOLLY OL’, KATE MIDDLETON JUST MIGHT MINGLE!
Commoners and Royals alike alight upon Big Ben for those final fleeting Tickety-tickety-TOCKs. Join one and all in the grand olde Yorkshire tradition, yelling, “Black Rabbits, Black Rabbits, Black Rabbits!” as the last seconds chime. Then, as the New is tolled, “White Rabbits, White Rabbits, White Rabbits!” For those who say that’s a whole lot of Foo – they can stay home and watch “Doctor Who”.
THE MORNING AFTER…
PAULA DEEN got you spleen? Need a heap of Southern-style cooking for a New Year’s brunch? Try Hoppin’ John (black eyed peas with rice) and corn bread! Slather with butter – or margarine so light especially if your cholesterol levels remain a fright. With pants bursting helpings, you’ll be a-yelping.
What resolutions are YOU making AND breaking this year?!
ENQUIRING MINDERs need to KNOW! Email us at EnquiringMinder@nationalenquirer.com 
WARNING! May be published ONLINE! Happy New Year!