I WANT ONE, TOO...WAH, WAH! No fair, whines petulant PARIS HILTON, who's furious because BRITNEY SPEARS and LINDSAY LOHAN are guest-starring in hit sitcoms - and she's NOT!

Hilton, whose so-called "career" suddenly went stone-cold, can't stand being out of the cool-loop while Britney gets raves and a repeat on "How I Met Your Mother" - and Lindsay inks a six-episode deal for "Ugly Betty" - so her people are suddenly lobbying producers of a major-league hit-com, begging for a deal to ensure that...we'll always have Paris!

• "HEROES" HOTTIE FLIES OFF THE HANDLE
• RYAN: CHEATIN' HEART?
• SHIA'S DUI-PROOF PLAN
• ADRIAN CRASHES A WEDDING!
• LILO: POLITICALLY INCORRECT?
• HEIGL'S MAN HITS A HIGH NOTE
• CHRISTINA AXES PITY PARTY
• TINA TURNS PURSE THEFT INTO $$$
• NICK LACHEY: REAL MEN CRY IN PUBLIC!