"WINNING!”
Praise the Gossip Gods for this kink-a-licious scoop: Shooting a project SO secret he made cast and crew sign shut-yer-damn-mouth deals, Warlock Charlie Sheen abruptly went nutzoid, screaming: “Where’s my Valerie?”
… Huh? WHO? …
Giggled my on-set source: “Most people never knew it, but Charlie’s got a hot new gal — and she’d suddenly disappeared from that luxury trailer he takes everywhere! Freaked, he stopped filming to find her!”
Valerie’s description? Brace yourself: Blonde, 5-foot-8, 16-inch waist, 36-inch hips — plus 40D knockers topping her ALL-PLASTIC BODY! Yes, kids — “Valerie” is a life-sized, plastic female replica that looks SO human people thought she was real after Charlie paid a fortune to get her built. He even designated her a “Virgo!”
Said my source: “They finally found Val. Turns out Charlie had tucked her in the trunk of his Mercedes and forgot — so how’s that for a happy ending?”
ROBO-HO’ KINK ALERT: USA Today just ran a scary front-page headline with Japanese robo-experts warning: DON’T HAVE SEX WITH ROBOTS!
