WAR ZONE ALERT: SHEEN, LORRE, CRYER, KUTCHER CLASH ON 9/19?

Charlie Sheen
Photography by: Zuma Press

URGENT ALERT TO TV SOLDIER JON CRYER: WEAR A COMBAT HELMET when you’re awarded your dreamed-of star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame Sept. 19 – it’s gonna be a "Battle Zone!"

Why? Not only is your “Two and a Half Men” boss, exec producer CHUCK “Looney Tunes” LORRE, attending – you just got a nerve-jangling text from ex-co-star CHARLIE SHEEN that virtually guarantees all-out war. It read: “CONGRATS! COUNT ME IN!”... HOOAH!...

“Jon’s telling pals he’s worried sick now that Charlie’s coming,” said an insider. “He knows fireworks are certain if The Warlock and his nemesis, The Head Troll, come face to face – with him in the middle. Jon doesn’t want to rock the boat with Charlie, but he’s not about to piss off the man who signs his paycheck, either. So he actually called Charlie to feel him out on how serious he is about attending – and even downplayed the event, saying it’s not that big a deal, and he knows Charlie’s crazy-busy with his new TV project...so he would NOT feel insulted if he couldn’t make it.” (Hint, hint!)

But Charlie unleashed the dogs of war, cheerily assuring Jon: “I wouldn’t MISS it, pal!” Panicked, Cryer’s cryin’ that if both archenemies show, his big day’s ruined! Hate being a panic-monger, folks, but Sept. 19 is also the fateful Debut Day for (1) the premiere episode of the new, Sheen-free “Two and a Half Men,” and (2) Comedy Central’s eagerly awaited “Roast of Charlie Sheen!” Plus, I’m betting ASHTON KUTCHER will show up at new co-star Jon’s ceremony – and with all those tempting targets of opportunity in one spot, odds are the Rock Star from Mars will open fire. (Duck, Chuck!) WINNING!!