The hubba– hubba ex- Mrs. Rod Stewart — desperate to jump-start an acting career before her supermodel star fades completely — negotiated a deal worth nearly $1 million to get naked in a Playboy layout. But before cameras clicked, Playboy told Rachel she was far too zoftig! They gave her two months to lose weight AND get toned! But when Rachel showed up — ready to show all — execs were appalled: She’d porked up even MORE than before! Come back when you think you’re ready, Rachel was told — but that may be a while! My spies spotted her at a Hollywood party WOLFING a juicy rack of ribs! YUM!