OPEN LETTER TO ALEC (MY BUDDY) BALDWIN: Hey, pal, I shouldn’t “bro’ ” ya ’cause I don’t really know ya, but…the world’s just witnessed a HUGE week in your life (congrats on the marriage, BTW!), highlighted by fisticuffs and frustration with journalists you say don’t “get” you, and…well, I suddenly realized I’d been one of them!
Well, remember how you labeled me a “goat-footed queen and a wheezing whore” in London’s “The Times” – and we briefly ping-ponged catty cracks via the “New York Post” Page Six and this column?
But this week – after reading how you wanted to “gut and kill” TMZ boss HARVEY LEVIN, plus beat ex KIM BASINGER’s lawyer to death with a baseball bat – I suddenly realized that with me, you’d been darn near affectionate (for you, anyway), good-naturedly rapping my knuckles for reporting, as you put it, how you scream public insults, smash cell phones, etc.
So pardon me, pal, for not “getting you” at first. (And please don’t miss The ENQUIRER’s coverage of your exciting goings-on) Now…here’s my SCOOP: Just before you and gorgeous bride HILARIA THOMAS took your vows, she insisted you vow to quit your incessant Twitter-chatting with female fans – and other strangers – because it’s downright dangerous, attracting wackos like that Canadian “actress” arrested for stalking you.
Reports my inside source: “Hilaria’s seen Alec’s worst instincts get the best of him before, and thought twittering to strangers was a disaster waiting to happen. His female stalker really shook her up – yet she still saw him acting recklessly online, and pleaded with him to stop! Hilaria told Alec she wants as private a life as a well-known celebrity can have, warning that interaction with people online draws them into your life – and the consequences could be disastrous!”
Well, Alec, the world knows what happened next – just 24 hours after tying the knot, Hilaria triumphed because you QUIT TWITTER COLD! So let your marriage motto be “Heed Hilaria!”…and enjoy your new life, buddy!