NOTE TO JON GOSSELIN: You’re obviously not the brightest boy in class, so let me state this message in simple terms: Avoid sick jerk MICHAEL LOHAN…he’s NOT your friend…he’s USING YOU!…And (focus on this, Jon!) MICHAEL CANNOT HOOK YOU UP WITH DAUGHTER LINDSAY LOHAN!!…DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES!

Jon, it gets a bit tricky here, so ask a friend (NOT Michael) to help you understand this next part: According to a source, Michael – even though he’s not on speaking terms with Lindsay – “tells Jon he can make the hookup happen, and that they will be the most famous couple in America.”

But Lindsay, who’s in a lesbian romance with SAMANTHA RONSON, was shocked when a family member told her about Daddy-O’s sleazy plot.

“Lindsay said, ‘What?… Is he trying to pimp me out now?’”…

Still with me, Jon? Here’s another potentially dangerous path bigmouthed Michael’s leading you down: He’s telling you the legal team in your divorce from KATE GOSSELIN “is going to suck you dry,” and has urged you to hire his own lawyers.

BEWARE, Jon! Here’s a comment from one of your own friends, pal: “How is Jon handling all this? I don’t think he’s smart enough to realize Michael’s using him.”