'INSULTED' JESSICA NIXES HEFTY DIET DEAL

Folks, before I deliver my queen-sized gossip scoop, answer my gossip question: Don’cha just bet OPRAH’s boo-hoo-in’ because BARACK OBAMA chewed the fat with MATT LAUER about JESSICA SIMPSON’s weight gain – but never mentioned hers? (“Waaahhh...I’m fat TOO, Barack!”)

Just kidding...here’s my exclusive 411: As all those “Porky Jess” headlines bulged on front pages nation...er, wide, The Fat Lady finally sang – and her name is JENNY CRAIG!

That’s right, people: Insiders reveal that not-so-dumb blonde Jessica, who once parlayed her pimples into a big-buck$$ endorsement deal with skin-soothing Proactiv, has now lured the Jenny Craig lard-busters – and they’re dangling a fat offer for her to follow in the deep, deep footsteps of KIRSTIE ALLEY, QUEEN LATIFAH and VALERIE BERTINELLI by losing just 10 to 20 pounds on their program.

Now here’s the delicious part: Clever Jess actually claims she’s “insulted” by the offer! (Way to drive that price up, Princess!)

“I’m NOT fat,” she cried to Jenny Craig execs – adding that if she needs to lose a few pounds, she knows how to do it all by herself, so there!

Money-lovin’ Daddy-O JOE SIMPSON’s probably having a cow by now, so...stay tuned.