HEAR YE, HEAR YE! INVOKING POWERS VESTED IN ME AS KING OF GOSSIP, I HEREBY DECREE A PROCLAMATION TO ELIZABETH, ROYAL QUEEN OF ENGLAND: I truly love ya, Lizzie, but do NOT play “Fifty Shades of Grey” with Princess of Our Hearts Kate Middleton — and HONOR her bangin’ new BANGS!
Said My Royal Source, Lord Knows: “Women everywhere are intrigued by Kate’s sudden switch from long, flowing locks to perky bangs — but unfortunately, Wills made the mistake of asking Granny how she liked Kate’s new hairstyle.
"The Queen gave a regal shrug of indifference, but added, ‘I do believe your wife should stop coloring her hair! Gray is rather dignified, don’t you agree?’
"Incredibly, Wills had the balls to tell Kate, who’s increasingly sensitive about her sprouting gray strands, and she hit the roof over Her Majesty’s hair-raising, to-dye-for decree!
"‘MY head, MY hair,’ bellowed our beloved beauty — issuing her own ‘DFWM’ proclamation!” Hail, Pretty Princess!
