9-1-1? I’D LIKE TO REPORT A THEFT!

NationalEnquirer.com
Photography by: Zuma Press

I TOLD YA SO! Hey, “Us” magazine, I know you’re hard up for news – but STOP STEALING MINE! In your last issue, you proudly trumpeted this headline: “Exclusive: Tom Cruise Forbade Katie Holmes From Doing Dawson’s Creek Reunion.”

It’s a shameful rip-off of MY June 6 exclusive – i.e., news breaking for the first time anywhere – which scooped as follows...“NO CRUISE UP THE CREEK DEPT.:

TOM CRUISE torpedoed the proposed ‘Dawson’s Creek’ TV reunion movie, forbidding wife KATIE HOLMES from even thinking about reuniting with former co-stars MICHELLE WILLIAMS and (especially) JAMES VAN DER BEEK and JOSHUA JACKSON – because Wifey was real-life romantically linked to both guys back in their drama days!

Said a Katie pal: ‘Producers were lining up writers to create a script until Katie bowed out. She told me Tom forced her into that decision…,’ ” etc., etc.

So BACK OFF and be very ashamed, you journalistic burglars!