Paula Abdul‘s secret confession to the world – "I wanted to kill myself!"
The former dancer/choreographer and now Idol judge, Paula turned to painkillers — including lidocaine to ease the pain of multiple dance related injuries.
Paul admits she also wore a pain relief patch with a med that delivered 80 percent more kick ass than morphine.
In addition she took a muscle relaxer as the cherry on her drug induced cocktail.
But once you’re hooked, it’s hard to quit!
"I could have killed myself," Paula admitted.
"Withdrawal – it’s the worst… freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain. It was excruciating."
Which may explain why many viewers of Idol thought Paula to be doing more than walking on sunshine.
