• BILLY JOEL signed up to write two children’s books. Isn’t that nice? You can just see him sitting down, drawing a picture of a little girl and her dog as he drives through a red light.

  • Sylvester Stallone is suing MGM for blocking him from doing “Rocky” as a Broadway musical. Stallone singing and dancing on Broadway? Sounds like the producers of “Gigli” are at it again.
  • Ryan Seacrest‘s friends made fun of him because his house had a “gay” decor. It wasn’t the floral pattern on his couches or the yellow paint on his wall; it was the naked guy in his bed. Here’s some bad news for Seacrest, his TV talk show has been canceled, but he doesn’t have to worry about being embarrassed, nobody will ever notice.

  • ABC picked up a new reality show called “Wife Swap.” Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston are worried that viewers might get it confused with their reality show — “Wife Swat.”

  • Ethan Hawke was recently seen crying over losing Uma Thurman. If only he could go back to that night he cheated with that Canadian model . . . and get her number.
  • Uma Thurman took Angelina Jolie‘s advice when she told her to marry her boyfriend. Of course, Angelina could have just been talking to one of the voices in her head. Luckily, Uma isn’t following all of Angelina’s advice. Uma’s going to go with a traditional wedding instead of drinking each other’s blood.

  • Nick Lachey says he wants Jessica Simpson in bed with nothing on but a T-shirt. This drives Jessica crazy because she spends the entire night trying to turn her T-shirt on. Jessica was just signed by Hershey’s to do breath mint commercials. She had no idea the little mints freshened your breath. She was taking them because she didn’t want to get pregnant. And you know she must like the mints because Jessica would never endorse a product she doesn’t use. So that rules out anything with instructions.
  • Paula Abdul is back with her ex-husband Emilio Estevez and just a few months ago she was back with her exboyfriend Arsenio. And people want to know why they can’t get through to vote on “American Idol”? All the guys Paula’s been with keep calling!

  • Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had a baby girl and named her Apple. Well, that’s just what happens when you write your potential baby names on the back of your grocery list.