LAUGHTRACK BY JAMES HARRIS

Published on: June 7, 2004
  • Snoop Dogg has filed for divorce. The infamous pothead isn't asking for much. He's seeking "joint" custody -- and he'd also like to be able to see the kids. The worst part for Snoop, 32 (in dogg years) is that he will be forced to give his wife half of his fortune, leaving him with just bling. But this does force Snoop to make the toughest decision he's had to make in years . . . choosing an interim ho. Anyway, it's all good.
  • Dr. Phil cheated on his first wife with many different women and naturally his wife was shocked to find this out. She thought she was the only woman with a nausea fetish. When the first Mrs. Phil finally confronted him with his infidelities, she says he told her to "grow up, that's the way it was in the world." So she divorced him. And it was at that moment that he realized he was great at motivating people. But the marriage ended amicably. Dr. Phil says they just sat down one night and asked: "Why did we do this?" He now says that every night to his stomach.
  • "The Simple Life" star Nicole Richie is trying to clean up her image. But she doesn't have to try too hard -- even Kobe Bryant's accuser's underwear would look clean standing next to Paris Hilton.
  • Michael Jackson wants to reduce his $3 million bail, but prosecutors say he needs the money because he wants to flee the country. Or finally, he started dating women! Prosecutors don't think Michael will be able to adapt to a prison environment. However, a child who's been to the Neverland ranch would have no problem.
  • Sources say Kirstie Alley is a closet eater. But she looks more like she's eating the whole room! Her friends think she's using food as a substitute for a man. I think she's using it as a substitute for oxygen.
  • Mary-Kate Olsen was in a car crash! And as it was happening, a few miles away, Ashley saw her entire career flash before her eyes. Mary-Kate was definitely freaked out by the experience, but her nerves were quickly calmed once someone explained to her that a car crash is not fattening. But don't worry, Mary-Kate is O.K. She walked away from the accident without any physical damage and with Billy Joel's autograph.
  • Courtney Love's daughter is now living in Courtney's L.A. mansion. Unfortunately, this puts her close to a very dangerous environment, her mom's medicine cabinet. The rocker isn't sure where she's going to move, but worried potential neighbors across the country are now claiming they're Courtney Love's daughter.