LAUGH TRACK

Published on: December 3, 2004

* Paul McCartney has been hired to perform at this year's Super Bowl halftime show. He wants it to be even bigger than last year's with Janet Jackson, so he's considering doing a duet with Dolly Parton.

* Jennifer Garner accidentally named her production company Vandalia Films, the same name as a hard-core porn maker. But she's not alone, Hilton Hotels have the same problem. Jen realized she made the mistake when she told Ben Affleck the company name and he said he knew lots of girls already working for her.

* Colin Farrell says there's nothing wrong with him having a beer on his day off. The problem is, it's his day off from having a six-pack.

* The Greeks are upset that Alexander the Great is portrayed by Farrell as a bisexual in Oliver Stone's movie. Imagine how the Irish must feel about Rosie O'Donnell.

Vanilla Ice called animal control to report that a wallaroo and a goat wandering around Port St. Lucie, Fla., belonged to him. It's good to see he still has two fans.

* Star Jones was upset that guests brought cameras to her wedding, but she should have been more upset that her husband brought his pocketbook. The bride was embarrassed that her groom, Al Reynolds, went to a Halloween party dressed up as a male stripper. Wait until she finds out that's usually how he goes to bachelor parties.

* Did you see that photo of Angelina Jolie's 3-year-old son Maddox with a bandage above his eye? That's Angelina's fault . . . she brought him to the Vibe Awards.

* Liza Minnelli is countersuing her former assistant. He says she forced him to have sex with her to keep his job. Considering that she was married to David Gest -- that had to be someone's job!

* Somebody stole gold and jewelry worth $7.2 million from P. Diddy. That leaves him with only two teeth in his head.

-- BRIAN HARRIS