Anna Nicole Smith chronicled her battle with depression and her struggle with her weight in the early 1990s in two diaries that are now up for auction along with other memorabilia.

The diaries, which were made exclusive to The Associated Press, contained several grammatical errors and mentioned her relationship with husband J. Howard Marshall II. “I’ve been really stressed out lately and depressed and I can’t quit eating. I feel like a pig. Howard has been buying me som jewelry but he call me 15 or 20 times a day it drives me crazy. I love him but he aggravates me somtimes.”

As Marshall grew ill, Anna wrote: “Hes so very weak and fragile When I touch him Im afraid he might break,” she wrote. “If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I’ll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care.”

Anna also wrote about her stint as a Guess model and the pressure to be thin. “I’m starving!! I’ve been starving myself,” she confessed. The Playboy Playmate alos revealed she took the over-the-counter weight-loss pill Zantrex in an entry dated June 13, 1992.

In related news, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich — the doctor who authorized the 11 prescription medications found in Anna Nicole’s hotel room the day she died — is being investigated by the California Medical Board. Eroshevich, a psychiatrist, was also a friend of Anna’s.